A Chicago lawyer with a knack for figuring out old security systems, she was hired by John McCain's thief organization to pretend to be married to Barack Obama for years and bolster his presidential candidacy in hopes of getting the Hope Diamond. After the heist was pulled off, she decided to stick by her husband and try to do the whole 'first lady' thing, and dedicated herself to fighting childhood obesity. Her hologram appeared in the Washington Redskins' Go Fuck Yourself Holiday Special.
- "My job was to pretend to be married to this bozo and get you three scan hacks into a laser system!" (About Last Night...)
- "My girls need somebody better than a world-class diamond thief. " (About Last Night...)
- We need to realize obesity is an epidemic. But it's not a disease." (Raising the Bar)