Mr. Mackey is making the kindergarten students perform a play about tooth decay and the importance of dental hygiene. He is furious when Ike Broflovski, who is supposed to portray tooth decay, misses a rehearsal to watch the Canadian royal wedding. During the ceremony, the princess is suddenly enclosed in a giant cube and spirited away. Ike is so distraught that he cannot stop crying during rehearsal and gets sent home by Mr. Mackey. People all over Canada kill themselves out of despair for the princess' abduction and a candlelight vigil is held where Rush performs a version of Candle in the Wind. The Prime Minister of Canada instructs all people of Canadian descent to go home and open their "Box of Faith", which contains – along with a location beacon, a first aid kit, and a sandwich – a video recording issuing a call to arms for all Canadians in fighting condition to "meet by the tree in Edmonton". Ike answers the call and, while riding a bus to Canada, meets a fellow Canadian named Ugly Bob, who claims he has to wear a bag over his head because, even though he simply appears Canadian to Americans, other Canadians find his face frighteningly ugly.
Once the pair arrive, the first instinct of the member of the Canadian Army leading the gathered Canadians is that the princess was taken by a giant, who turns out to be Scott the Dick, who grew to seven feet tall – giant by Canadian standards – after a radioactive accident in Ottawa. When it turns out that Scott has been wrongly accused of taking the princess, most other Canadians go home, but Scott persuades Ike and Ugly Bob to follow him as he accuses the Native Canadians (Inuit) of kidnapping the princess out of his racial prejudice towards the "Native Canadians". The three of them travel to the Arctic tundra of northern Canada to get information from the Inuit, who admit that their people do have a grudge against the Canadians for taking their land, but tribe leader reveals that the princess' abduction was foretold, and that the true kidnapper is one who attacks people of all nationalities. With an Inuit mother leading the three, they find a large dark castle, where the princess is held captive by the abductor: Tooth Decay. Eventually, after the monster hurls Scott and the Inuit woman across the room, Ike turns Tooth Decay to stone by exposing Ugly Bob's face to him.
Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey becomes increasingly irate with Ike's absence and blames it on Kyle, who fills Ike's role in the play. During rehearsals Mr. Mackey consistently loses his temper with the children for singing flat or without feeling, directing his most scathing remarks at Kyle, and reveals that the play means a great deal to him because Tooth Decay killed his father. While the play is a success with parents of the kindergartners, Mr. Mackey verbally abuses his actors' imperfections backstage until the police intervene, telling Mr. Mackey to cancel the play due to reports coming in from the Yukon that Tooth Decay is dead. Ike receives a knighthood from the Canadian princess, an honor that fails to impress any of the boys (with the exception of Kyle), and the royal wedding begins again. Both events (before and after the princess' abduction) involve bizarre traditions such as the prince putting his arms into a large bowl of butterscotch pudding, the princess scraping them clean and smearing the pudding on her own face, and the prince tearing one of her arms off and inserting it into his anus, "as is tradition."