When Randy Marsh learns that kickoffs have been banned from elementary school football due to fears of serious injury, he protests this at a PTA meeting, and sarcastically suggests implementing a ridiculously safe and emasculating new game called Sarcastaball, in which the boys wear bras and tinfoil hats, use a balloon instead of a ball and give hugs and compliments to the opposing team instead of tackling them. Despite the sarcastic tone with which he makes this statement (and with which he speaks almost exclusively throughout the episode), the PTA takes this idea literally, and implements it, with Randy as coach of the South Park Elementary team. Although Stan and his friends are skeptical about Sarcastaball, Butters proves to be a morale booster for his team, telling them that they must draw upon their "creamy center" where the "happy, loving goo" sits that allows them to be good to others. The nation's youth so embrace Sarcastaball over football that a National Sarcastaball League is created, and Marsh is made the coach of the Denver Broncos, complete with sarcastic cheerleaders and sarcastic halftime performers. When this takes him away from coaching South Park Elementary, the team makes Butters team captain.
When Cartman tells Butters that his inability to be nice to people makes him a poor Sarcastaball player, Butters tells him that everyone has a creamy goo inside them that can make them good to others. Butters shows Cartman a closet filled of jars of this "goo", which turns out to be semen that he has stored from his nocturnal emissions, some of which Cartman and the other players ingest in order to improve their game. This tactic spreads until a popular sports drink made of Butters' semen is publicly marketed and endorsed by professional players.
Meanwhile, after Randy's wife, Sharon Marsh, expresses to Randy her concern that he has become unable to speak without being sarcastic, they consult a doctor, who tells them that sarcasm has caused Randy irreversible brain damage. Randy then goes to his son's Sarcastaball game to plead with the crowd that sarcasm, and the game based on it, is dangerous. Stan and Cartman tell Randy that when Butters says that competitiveness can be compassionate, he is not being sarcastic, but entirely sincere, and that Randy is simply too grumpy to consider that the game can be played sincerely. When Stan gives his father some of the "sports drink" to boost his feelings of caring and goodness, Randy realizes it is semen. As a result, Butters is grounded for having others consume his semen despite being unaware of what semen and sarcasm actually are. When he subsequently experiences an erection, his father tells him it is a "friendly compass" that informs him when friends are near, and that it is pointing up to heaven, because Jesus is his friend.